T minus 6

For quite some time now I have been fighting to overcome this invisible barrier that I am faced with. Getting defensive isn’t sometimes the wisest of options. It’s much easier if things are just let to happen. Does not remotely mean surrendering to fate though. Of late, I have been feeling it is much easier to just submit to situations. No explanations given. No thoughts put in. Just surrender, and accept whatever the outcome is. At the end of it all, what is that I do? More or less every time I end up watching the documentary on Ayrton Senna. I have lost count of the number of times I have already seen it. Each frame, each statement seems to be etched in my memory but still I watch it and each time I do so, I feel different from what I was some time ago.

I have been guarding my life in some strange demeaning manner. I have no idea what on earth could possibly go wrong. The harder I try to consolidate, the worse it gets. So I have decided to just let it go. I am going to find out what worst could happen ultimately. And I am yet again going to make it through. Life will typically resume the sine wave pattern. It will happen at its pace, but it will happen.

For the time being, I have decided I am living one day at a time. I am not looking at life beyond the next 7 days, for even a week is a terribly long time to live. I am going to live these 7 days in a way I have been longing to live. It’s already day 2 today.

Day 1 – a day I went out taking pictures. An entire day! For one day I felt I needed no one to make myself happy. Had a long walk in the evening with my cousin! I’d have spoken about 1000 words in the entire day but I was happy being myself.

Today.. Day 2 – Yeah! Today was something to talk about.  I needed this bad. Really bad. I needed to drive something on 4 wheels. With a job interview lined up on Thursday, this was the most important in my to-do list. I had been thinking of going to the go-kart track from a long time, but it could not have been at a better time than today. I feel Schumacher-ish while I start to describe my feelings now J because I started last of the grid. No wait. This feels like Senna. I go on to lap all the drivers on the grid, except for THE ONE.

If I were to say anything about what happened, it was so similar to the race at Suzuka 1989, when Senna and Alain Prost collided in the championship deciding race. Senna (I) seeing an opportunity on the right hand corner, took the lunge. Prost(The One) immediately closed the door and moved off the racing line. Senna tried to avert a collision, but it was already too late. Senna was carrying too much speed into the corner. Senna’s front wing hit Prosts sidepods, thus making it impossible to lap the entire field J wooah! It was competitive.

I am lucky to have a few people around who I can reach up to any time I want. And to these people I owe a lot of things. So, it don’t matter if they still make me realize that I am going to be single on this Valentine’s Day (yet again), I’d still manage to be with them. I would not even crib if they would make me walk for 5 kilometres. It’s all a part of the moments that are making my day. So, yes this goes down as one of the best evenings. I had people who I adore and care for, and I could not ask for more. God bless you guys!

And I am really looking forward to doing something on Day 3 now J