Liberation !!

My brain and heart are seemingly disconnected and have no direct or indirect relationship. That is something I know for a fact now. Well I would blame that to being exposed to Business Research Methods. Quantitative or Qualitative? My mind is playing games with my intellect. But the heart is no less. The moment I start to think, my heart starts pumping less blood to my brain. The feeling of being blank and hapless surrounds me. Ah my brain can't be such a jerk to accept defeat by a heap of muscle. Tit for tat. I start being less rational that I would otherwise be. This being a regular situation from the last one month, I now stand at the edge of being liberated. 


I was born the day the Mt. Everest was conquered. It takes a lot of nerves to run a rampage through my thinking system. Oh well they are not fool proof. Self made, they have loopholes. Not that it is for the first time that the weak points have been located and been worked on. I still continue to live a life with no regrets. No matter how big my last fuck-up has been, I look forward to the next one. And honestly, for a very long period of time a disaster of good proportions had been waiting to happen. I do not exactly call it as a disaster. For the sake of others, yes it was. For me, it was just an experience. A step closer to liberation. 


For one month, I was left surprised as to how fragile relationships are. Faith is all I see in relationships. I don't believe it when people say there is always a shade of gray. Hell NO. It's either a black or a white. There are no intermediaries. Trust for me comes much later. So, at a time when my heart and brain could have been a part of the family called human body, I still remember I would forgive but not forget. Acceptance comes to me pretty easily. Not any more. It would all be fine, not until somebody would force me into questioning my faith on someone. I have loved to see myself evolve over the years. For me, right now, it is an absolute insult to question my integrity and faith. This is what I stand for. I make my choices. I decide what I do in my life. And for the people I have faith in, I could go all the way to the end. Even if it meant I am singled out to criticism. I can't be bothered less for criticism and complaints anyways. Even though right now, my brain is getting an optimum supply of oxygen rich blood, I fail to recall when was the last time I actually bothered and got bogged down by someone criticizing me. 


I would like to thank a few things for being good and bad to me alike. 


Life. You are still a bitch sometimes. Stop behaving like a cassette player. Rewind - Play - Rewind. Honestly, I can take it no longer. It becomes cliched after a little while and then you want variety. Why do you create these wonderful characters asking you questions for which even God could find no answer. I am but human.  I do not want to become Bruce who would be endowed with the powers of Almighty. I am a happy, 26 year old, single individual who intends to get married before the world ends on 21st December 2012. Please be good enough to let me enjoy the last few months of my life. 


Compulsive Dissatisfaction Disorder. You are one classical epidemic that is on the rise these days. I cannot thank you enough for all the hard times that you are giving to me in plenty. Please do not assume I am enjoying it and I need more of it. You are really contagious. Please stay away from me.


Assumptions and conclusions. Fellows! you are not twins. Nor are you a couple. So please stop behaving like one. Even though laws have been liberalized, for the better of the world, we would still love to see you to stay away from each other. You are just not meant to be with each other. You are disaster. I hold a lot of awe and respect for the both of you. But as individual entities. So stop hanging around together. You will do the world a lot of good. 


Faith. You are all that I have. Highly indebted to you. I am glad you have been my guardian angel throughout. I am very proud I did not let go of you even when there were a lot of detractors. Might as well continue to be good to me and be my shining star. 


Pride. You make a good pair with Faith. You still remain to be one of my biggest possessions. 


Friends. Special mention to few people for whom I am what I am. In a nice way and otherwise as well. 


Mom Dad (relationship of 26 yrs and counting) - I realized things late, but I did. Better late than never. 


Oindril Purkait (21 years and counting) - You are an ass. But I can excuse all that for the 21 years of time that we have had. You have only evolved into a bigger ass (Lol.. pun not intended). Thanks for being there like FOREVER !!


Neha (duration unknown and not counting) - No matter what. You taught me a lot. Life. The biggest lesson. 


Pradeepan - Kickass!! 


Garima Singh - It is a privilege to have known you. Thank you for all that you do. Words would not be enough for plenty of reasons. You're really special. 4AM friend concept and Ruby Tuesday's :) remember the latter especially. Thank you for making me shed one inhibition :P


My sisters (Megha / Pinu) - I know this is the least expected thing from me, but fine. It had to come some day.


My brothers (all of you) - I sponsor your first dates. And I fight for your love marriages. So go ahead all of you. 


My Chachi and Bua's - I know you still consider me as a kid. And I love it :)


All of you are very very special to me, and my faith and trust rests upon you. I could not have asked for more in life. With you guys around, I have all that I can ever ask for.


Liberated !